2.41am 14.10.17 // 12.10.17

Daily Prompt;Succumb

I find it weird how bad I feel when I have disappointed someone or a few people … usually everyone, but what I am finding even weirder is how you feel guilty or are made to feel guilty for just derailing a little bit. Now, I am the first to admit how far from perfect I am and how I make a crap load of mistakes, but what bothers me is when you’re placed in a situation where you either follow the advice you have been given, or you find yourself in a situation where you’ve messed up (which is usually where I am because I am “wrong” for not “listening”), and that temporary happiness you feel is now, something you should be ashamed of.

Where does one draw the line between their happiness and keeping everyone else happy, the balance between the two (in my opinion) does not exist and that – bothers me. Don’t get me wrong, even with an amazing support structure, one does not need to feel suffocated and start hyperventilating because they made their own decision/s, and start drowning in their own tears because they’ve disappointed the people whose opinion matters most.

Is one’s life ever truly their own?

With the various factors that contribute to a person’s life (Family, Friends, Religion, Work, Relationship/s …), one is a product of the company they keep, which brings me back to the fact that you as a whole, are made of your experiences, relationships (of every kind), and I could go on and on explaining this, but your character is influenced by these factors, which is why I question the ownership one’s life. We are so busy hopscotching trying to make everyone, happy that we give bits and pieces of our life to various people/factors, at the end of all this, how much of yourself do you actually have to yourself? Are all the decisions we make truly for ourselves, or do we take them to make everyone else happy and proud of us, and I know many of you are read that thinking, “I make decisions to make myself proud and happy”, but once you begin to dissect the matter, it may not be, 100% about you. It’s human nature, there is nothing wrong with that, I just find this feeling, really weird.

I know, this was a bit depressing but, I had to vent, which is why this post is all over the place but new posts should be coming soon, I am so glad my writer’s block vanished …

check me out on insta; @lucysjournal_

Xoxo, Lucy

Uuhhh, where were we ?

Daily Prompt: Disastrous

I am in this odd place in my life, I want to see change and I feel like I am making the right moves to get where I want to, but at the same time I feel like I have no control over my own life, a lot of things are happening and my (former) inner control freak is just watching it all happen, without a care in the world.

In a way I am grateful for this phase but at the same time I wonder what it means, because I fear losing my lust for life, the thing that keeps me going. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I want to share with you but because the winds have not directed me there I am finding it so hard to share all of it with you, which is so frustrating because all I crave for is experiences that will intrigue me and entice me enough to want to write a blog post about whatever the experience is, and here they are, here they go, and I still find myself standing, unshaken, why is it so hard for me to make moves that I have already made before, what the hell is happening.

It’s not writers block, I feel like my mind has put my tongue, on mute. The one gift I have, is now threatened and I still feel unmoved, unshaken, I feel sane yet I am surrounded by absolute chaos and insanity.

“I’ve been on the low
I been taking my time
I feel like I’m out of my mind
it feel like my life ain’t mine” – Logic

2c8f6b60e1adc988e160338b1f4891e4--smoke-drawing-smoke-artWhy do I feel at peace when what I know to be life, is threatened and why is it the one moment I let go of all control I have over my own life, it feels like things are falling into place. The only reason why I may be stuck in this phase is because a part of me is content with seeing the pieces of my puzzle just magically fall into place, and I am at peace because I am not constantly trying to figure everything out, it’s figuring itself out.

Is this a trap?

Where am I?

Xoxo, ?


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The trigger

Daily Prompt: Passenger
Happiness is short lived, it has it’s time span, and in that time span everything just, works out and life is amazing. Then it vanishes, you finally feel the breeze that everyone was complaining about and because you are in absolute awe you stand there, dazed not knowing what to do, where to go, how to go about it, you literally begin to feel numb towards everything and everyone around you, that spark, vanished.
We never see happiness for what it truly is. Happiness is that friend that only ever wants to grace you with his presence when everything in your life is looking up, Happiness is that friend who comes and goes into your life but you can’t let go of him/her because you care for and love them so deeply. The relationship we have with Happiness is so dysfunctional, it has no direction and you never know whether this relationship is coming or going, but we still patiently wait, we still make sure we fix ourselves and find ways to get out of our funk just to be graced by Happiness’ presence. We are so hung up on how we feel around him/her, anything, and I mean anything, is worth losing if Happiness is waiting for us at the end of the road.
Crystals,_OMAMThere’s this line in a song by Of Monsters and Men (I love them), “cause nothing, grows when it is dark”, because we closely relate happiness with, light, it’s hard for most of us to digest that growth can happen without it, Happiness is the prize we are given for overcoming darkness (seems only right, right?).
I have, however always questioned whether the Happiness we feel is undiluted, pure and at 100% because I can identify moments in my life where the happiness I felt at a certain point in my life, did not feel the same as the happiness I felt in a different point in my life.
MirrorOfErised_PM_B1C12M3_HarryInFrontOfTheMirrorOfErised_Moment.jpgRemember in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, where Harry came across the Mirror of Erised, and he sat there for hours because he saw his parents standing beside him when he looked at this mirror? Dumbledore later came in and explained to him what it shows him, he said, “The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is.” Is that level of happiness even attainable? I am uninterested in how to achieve that level of happiness, what sparks my interest is the absurdity behind self-actualisation (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs), yes, self-actualisation can be reached, but how long will it last for. Humans’ lives are too unstable and unpredictable for us to expect self-actualisation to happen and actually last, or for it to actually even happen.
Note; I am not talking about being content, I am talking about reaching a point in your life where you would be able to look in the Mirror of Erised, and see your reflection as is, because you do not lack anything. Not even the richest man on Earth has attained that level of happiness and self-actualisation.
Emotions hold the strongest power over human beings, they rule us, and that’s what makes us human.

Make sure to follow me on insta and like my page on facebook !
Felt so good to write again, aahh man 🙂 .
Xoxo, Lucy


Alex Sono x Leave Her Alone

Daily Prompt: Paper
“ So you also need to realise that your creative ability doesn’t  stop because you wrote it down, so just because you wrote it down it should actually elevate your creative ability “

IMG-20170620-WA0086Well it is about damn time, we have been waiting on this single release by the 19 year old South African artist. This track was absolutely worth the wait, Alex Sono did not disappoint at all.
One thing I love about this track is the way he played with the beat, and this is what Alex Sono is about, producing tracks that do not conform to the norm and what is trending.
Telling the fuckboys to leave his girl alone, Alex marks his territory in his song and speaks for those guys who are sick and tired of other guys trying to mess around with their women.

“Fake n****s looking for the real girls
Real n****s never get a chance,
Fake girls looking for the pearls,
that’s why real n****s never glance“

This track is just a snippet of, Sad Boy Lex, whom he refers to as the seven year old version of himself due to his rawness and blunt nature, a version of himself he chooses to hide in real life but in his music, Sad Boy Lex is his outlet because he allows Alex Sono to be angry and vent.

 “The term fuckboy, that I use in the song, is a metaphor for just negativity in my life, it could be the personal things going on, everything going on, it could be death, it could be losing a friend, it could be people trying to interject what it is that I am trying to build, whether it be a relationship, my career, and my girl is not only the girl that I love, but also these things that I am trying to nurture, so it’s love, it’s the essence of being myself, it’s success and so it’s me saying I’ll capture these things and keep them safe, so fuckboy got to leave her alone, I would do anything for happiness.” – Alex Sono

This is not one those sad songs, this is one of those real songs, it is absolutely amazing.

Download his track by clicking here
Stream it by clicking here
Check out his Vodacom NXT LVL video by clicking here
Find him on twitter @alex_sono and instagram; @alexsono98

Support substantial art.


Next review coming up!

Xoxo Lucy

I am always looking for something to write about, whatever it may be … I am worth hiring!

Netball Network – Developing female competitiveness one event at a time.

Daily Prompt: Bottle

The team that made this all happen

I was invited to a Netball Network event that took place yesterday (17/06/2017) in Benoni at Wordsworth Highschool, and what an amazing event it was.
When I arrived there, the teams were getting ready to play against each other (Smega Stars vs. Wordsworthens), I got a few minutes to talk to one of the organisers of the event, Olebogeng Pule, and although the turnout was not what he had hoped for, he did say every other part of this event was an absolute success and the beautiful weather made up for everything else that did not go the group’s way.

What added a bit more sparkle to this event was the fact that, it was centred around women empowerment, giving female players a little more field time and giving recognition to sportswomen and the sports they’re involved in. It felt so refreshing to be at an event that had absolutely nothing to do with what interests me, because it had nothing to do with me but those involved in the game and me showing them support, because that goes a long way. This I think also adds to the reasons why you should support events in your community, show that love and encourage those hosting and taking part in the event.

Look to the left of your screen, if you can’t see anything scroll to the bottom of this post, check out my Instagram for more on this event, click the follow button while you’re at it, PLEASE subscribe to this blog all you need is an email account and you’ll be the first to know of my blog postJ, and you can’t forget the Facebook page – whatever makes you comfortable, whichever you’re most active on … just show me some lurv!!

Next review coming up …

Xoxo, Lucy!

The Epilogue: Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for me.

Daily Prompt :Timely

Many of you, have been asking questions about my “Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for Me.”, 3 part series have been asking for me to write another blog entry on my journey, getting into the dating game without making any of my new suitors carry the burden my ex left me with, how dating new people is like, whether I feel ready to be with someone else, and honestly I haven’t gotten it all figured out but there’s a lot of things I have learned about myself and dating in general …

1097d23548919430b37b5f989b293407The greatest thing that I can say has happened, is me actually having feelings for someone else, me actually being interested in another being without comparing him to the other guy. That’s when I knew I had a fighting chance. I think the mistake we make is, not accepting the fact that, someone else has a part of us, the fact that there is another being out there, that you love so deeply, even though the end result wasn’t what we had wanted or expected to happen.
Everything fell into place when I stopped blaming, when I stopped trying to understand and when I started to accept that it is what it is, there’s nothing I can do about how I felt about my ex, other than accept, I had to be aware of my feelings in order for them not to hinder me from living and experiencing.

Men are like wine

Dating hasn’t been easy, guys my age are busy trying to hit it and quit it and I have, for the most part, accepted the fact that I don’t gel with guys my age, but in a society where there’s a limit placed on the age gap between two people who love each other and want to be in a relationship, I end up being labelled as something I’m not just because I do not fit into social conforms, I mean, it has never bothered  me because I have never been ashamed it, but it’s funny how society places pressure on people to be something they’re not.
Another major issue is, some guys older than me seem to think they can try playing me, try luring me in with what today’s youth is easily mislead by, you know, the materialistic things, and because I am young they’re quick to assume I am naïve. There have been a few potentials here and there, but because I never rush into things, a lot of not so nice things are revealed with time. The security a relationship offers, has many running into dead ends with a few more scratches on their newly repaired broken heart, but slow and steady wins the race right?

These past few months have honestly been the most enlightening months of my life, there’s this new buzz that I am vibing to, I love it, there’s this new Lucy creeping around, she has me looking at myself in the mirror like, “damn girl, is this really you?” Being single has given me the opportunity to actually have a relationship with myself, I know it sounds crazy, but after going through a phase where I literally did not know who or what I was, the need to start filling in these blank spaces became more evident.
Look, I know I am far from having it all figured out and may have a few more heartbreaks after this one but the fact that I will face them being secure in myself, gives me the confidence and some sort of security that I won’t have to go through what I went through, again.

There’s so much I still have to say, but with a busy schedule, it’s hard.

How do you feel about Lucy’s Journal being a vlog/blog ?

Xoxo Lucy

What it means to be young, in today’s society.

Daily Prompt: Nervous
Does your past really reflect who you are in the present?

Screenshot_2017-03-07-20-43-59-1.pngI was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and what the conversation boiled down to is how we felt as if there are certain things in our pasts, that have, in some weird way, shaped or predetermined our future. I obviously disagreed with this, because I truly believe that you are not a product of circumstance, circumstances merely form the platform on which you stand, and with that being said, and you can either stand there or choose to walk away from them (and yes I know it is easier said than done).

Earlier that week I was talking to my other friend, and he said that he feels, that today’s youth in Africa, more specifically the South African youth, are becoming too westernised, letting go of their customs and traditions and do not know where their roots lie, I partially agreed with this statement, because yes, we are forgetting who we are and where we come from but I partially disagreed because I took into account, how today’s youth were raised by their parents and how their parents were raised, and I concluded by saying that we are not entirely at fault, our actions are a product of what was instilled within us by our parents (directly and indirectly so), they chose a western way of living and we are now by-products of a mixed lifestyle. Some parents have picked the parts of their religion and culture they choose to follow, as if they were picking fruits off a tree.

Our situations back home were never the same, some grew up with a parent missing from the picture, some grew up as orphans, others grew up in dysfunctional families, but does that mean we must now conform to statistics that prove that we could never becoming fully functioning adults? That we are bound to have certain deficiencies that we will pass down to the next generation?
Examples would be the girl that grew up without a father, who is now a whore and blames her actions on the fact that she doesn’t have a father figure, the boy who grew up watching his mother being abused by his father or a man in her life, who now abuses his own girlfriend and blames it on what he saw when he was kid, or the children who grew up being abused by their parents who are now substance abusers and claim that they abuse substances because they’re trying to numb their pain. These are the outcomes statisticians have proven, have a high likelihood of happening, this is what the youth of today is using as a scapegoat, statistics.

We hold our heads high, thinking we do not conform to social norms that we, are setting a standard different from other people or better yet the previous generation, if that were the case, today’s youth would not be a statistician’s playground. We would be breaking boundaries, not falling within them, we would be a scientifically proven error, not encouraging them by proving their hypothesis right. We should be running a race in that small margin of error.

Life may have placed you in shady places, but it didn’t hinder you from finding your light. We need to stop making excuses for ourselves, we need to stop degrading what it means to be young in today’s society, if we are playing in the rubble, where the hell do we expect our kids to play? The standard they need to live up to is not set when we are trying to discipline them (because they’ll probably be doing what we did when we were younger), the standard is set, when we are looking at youth in the face. We are making it okay for the next generation to get away with a lot, because the standard we have set for ourselves is so low. The South African government set the pass rate to 40% for mathematics and 30% for English, but did we ever sit down and think about what that says about us? To make matters worse we didn’t even try proving our educational system wrong by surpassing these levels, we merely laugh about it and say “it’s above 40%, at least I passed”.

I love being young, but I am not proud of the reputation I have for being young.

Xoxo, Lucy

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