I find it weird how bad I feel when I have disappointed someone or a few people … usually everyone, but what I am finding even weirder is how you feel guilty or are made to feel guilty for just derailing a little bit. Now, I am the first to admit how far from perfect I am and how I make a crap load of mistakes, but what bothers me is when you’re placed in a situation where you either follow the advice you have been given, or you find yourself in a situation where you’ve messed up (which is usually where I am because I am “wrong” for not “listening”), and that temporary happiness you feel is now, something you should be ashamed of.
Where does one draw the line between their happiness and keeping everyone else happy, the balance between the two (in my opinion) does not exist and that – bothers me. Don’t get me wrong, even with an amazing support structure, one does not need to feel suffocated and start hyperventilating because they made their own decision/s, and start drowning in their own tears because they’ve disappointed the people whose opinion matters most.
Is one’s life ever truly their own?
With the various factors that contribute to a person’s life (Family, Friends, Religion, Work, Relationship/s …), one is a product of the company they keep, which brings me back to the fact that you as a whole, are made of your experiences, relationships (of every kind), and I could go on and on explaining this, but your character is influenced by these factors, which is why I question the ownership one’s life. We are so busy hopscotching trying to make everyone, happy that we give bits and pieces of our life to various people/factors, at the end of all this, how much of yourself do you actually have to yourself? Are all the decisions we make truly for ourselves, or do we take them to make everyone else happy and proud of us, and I know many of you are read that thinking, “I make decisions to make myself proud and happy”, but once you begin to dissect the matter, it may not be, 100% about you. It’s human nature, there is nothing wrong with that, I just find this feeling, really weird.
I know, this was a bit depressing but, I had to vent, which is why this post is all over the place but new posts should be coming soon, I am so glad my writer’s block vanished …
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