Things I never thought I would say.

Daily Prompts: Underestimate

She built her walls up as high as her arms could reach, then took a step ladder and built them even higher. She had to, for her world could not bare to be shaken like that again.

“Pain demands to be felt “John Green

I find it so weird, that someone can be such an integral part of your existence, that their non-existence leads to you questioning your own existence, all because they played such a huge role in your development.
How do you let someone in that close, thinking it will always be to your benefit, it’s in times like these – where they have left memories in every piece of the puzzle you call life, where every smell, song, catch phrase … etc. has their scent all over it and you ask yourself, “did you ever think he would value the walls you had to break down in order to let him in?”.
If he did, he wouldn’t have begun to misuse you the way he did, and no, you’re not an idiot, you trusted him with everything – well nearly everything.  But that’s not the point, the point is … we didn’t spend all the years we did building what we had for you to come and disrespect it like that.

You’re not worth the tears I weep, you never even wiped any of the tears that touched my face.

The tears she cried, washed away the make-up she wore to hide the scars he had left her with, and now she stands with what little strength she has left – bare.

I ask myself why I remained so ignorant to the warning signs, I didn’t fail to do so with every other being – and that’s not because you were my kryptonite, I trusted you. It’s so hard to leave something you have invested so much energy in – and when I left you I realised how much of it I dedicated to you, I’m so weak.
You knew I would always be there, but would it hurt to check up on me too?

I’m philophobic, you nearly had me thinking differently – but keep your idealistic point of view.

I can’t even bring myself to liking another guy because of the nightmares you’ve left me with

Stop running to me, cause it’s all over now and you have woken up to realise the very light I shun upon your life.

You’re not even trying, I never meant anything to you did I? You only gave a damn because you knew a big part of your life was going to disintegrate the very moment I packed my bags and left. It probably isn’t even like that, it’s probably just me, trying to console myself.

I refuse to stay in the disabled state you left me in, the woman you left is only an inch of the woman I am becoming.

I don’t care about the plans we made, they were only ever there to keep my hopes up high, but you fucked up so many times, my hope deflated like a balloon every time you went back to your new ways.

Yes, new –the man you have become is a man I have never known, a man I refuse to get to know. So stop knocking at my door, forget my numbers. Leave me alone, because the sound of your very voice brings me to tears.
I’ve got no love for you no more, that cup has run dry. Stop thinking there’s something salvageable left.

I have buried what we had. Let us not conjure the spirit of dead.

… Lucy


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