I’ve been through a whole lot in past year or two and thankfully it is all coming to an end, well it’s just the bits and pieces that need a bit of snipping here and there.
Looking back I just realised how tired I am of everything – of whatever it is that I’ve been put through or have been subjected to, it is as if I have reached a stage of sort of realising my true worth.
We walk around, with our heads held high, thinking we know our worth and how we can easily identify, the situations where our worth will not be tested and how we will be so quick to call it quits and walk away from the situation, until we are actually placed in similar situations and then we realise, it is easier said than done.
I reached my breaking point when I did an introspection, and I realised that I’m questioning my worth. My first response to this was, “How dare you?”
Who are you to question your own worth? I mean I thought I had it all worked out but …
Knowing, not thinking you know because you’re criticizing other people’s situations or circumstances, but knowing your worth, is, in my opinion a sign of strength and it isn’t something achieved through observation but rather serves as a reminder of the scars you endured during combat.
It is a beautiful thing to witness, to see someone elevate themselves not because of someone else making them feel elevated, but because someone broke them down and when they finally decided to put the pieces back together, that sense of self-worth, self-pride that now radiates from their very essence, all because they have witnessed the strength that they possess.
I guess this is one of those moments where I thank the people who placed me in that state, because if it were not for their actions, I would have never known the gaps I still need to fill and how much I still need to get to know myself. It’s a weird space to be in, realising there is a few vital things you do not know about yourself, that you thought you knew and now you are slowly trying to figure out. How can I give other people the opportunity to get to know me, if I feel as I don’t even know myself?
When you feel like there are so many things changing around you and within you, it’s hard to keep up, so when everything settles down, I guess that’s when I will take the opportunity to re-introduce myself, to myself.