In my feelings

Daily prompt:Moody
I’ve been abusing that phrase for the last couple of weeks, and what it basically means that you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling intensely and passionately. That has been me for the last couple of weeks, just been experiencing a whole lot of strong emotions, and now that the storm has calmed down and my head is much clearer. I have come to realise that it is ok to be in your feelings, who cares if people think you’re a party pooper just because you’re moody, who cares if you just can’t commiserate with your emotional friend just because you are too happy to empathise – at least you’re feeling something.

Feeling something, is a sign that you are alive, a sign that you are well aware of your surroundings. Be content with the fact that you’re actually feeling something and you’re not going through that emo phase where you feel absolutely nothing … be grateful about the fact that even though you’re not in positive feelings , that you’re able to identify what you are feeling.

It’s crazy though – feeling – it is unexplainable and yet it has such a huge impact on how the moment you’re currently living in will turn out, and we have no control over it.
It’s even crazier when, what you’re feeling is influenced by someone and their presence or lack of presence and how their actions or lack of actions can lead to a rollercoaster of unnecessary emotions. When I say “unnecessary” I mean, I am a very passionate person and when I feel something, I feel it ten times more than the average human being – it’s not my favourite trait but there’s nothing I can do about it, so when I say “unnecessary” I mean, I do not want my feelings to be influenced by a being or worse for that being to have that power over me – it is debilitating.

Which leads me to my next point, being dependent, regardless of who it is you’re dependent on, is in a way debilitating. It’s so much easier to lessen the load by carrying it with someone, but in the long run it weakens you because you forget the strength you needed to carry your own load – which is why most of us crumble when the going gets tough. I am not saying, let’s all be anti-social introverts, I am just reflecting on the risks we take, all in the name of trust , love , friendship … all because we all have this aggressive need to be, happy. We risk our own happiness in order to be happy. It sounds absurd when you look at it that way, but humans are weird creatures – so it only makes sense that we’d do such.

That’s why I always say, “Never make another being, your main source of happiness, be your only source of happiness” – I just wish I’d listen to my own advice more often, because making another being your main source of happiness leaves you in disabled state when the lights go out, and now this “being” is no longer there to switch the lights back on.

Xoxo, Lucy

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