How do I put this, transition?
If that’s what we going to call what I am currently going through, it is this weird tug of war between my past and present and with every pull my future is determined. For the first time in a long time I am okay with having no power or control over anything … mainly because I am tired.
I am buzzing with excitement to see what fate has in store for me, because it is clear that I have no idea what I am doing on my own and this doesn’t make me weak, well at least I don’t feel weak, I finally feel rejuvenated or something along those lines, but hey, as long as I am hanging around, I am happy.
Happiness, oh how I have longed for you, and with happiness comes peace and all that good stuff.
Above all things, I am grateful. I look back at where I have come from and in comparison to where I was in the beginning of the year, big renovations have happened in my life.
Walls have been broken down, doors closed never be opened again, new rooms have been added, walls have been painted and books have been placed on the newly built bookshelf.
I wouldn’t say this chapter in my life was colourful, but the darkness was worth it.
There’s this new humming aura, this vibe that just gets my blood pumping and I am patiently waiting for it to be more than a hum, and I do not mind waiting because after what feels like a millennium of silence, this humming is a warm welcome to a very warm future and however short lived this happiness might be, at least I am going to live through it.
Expectations may lead to disappointment but the feeling of expectancy and how you hope to feel when something you hope, happens, happens, that feeling is just enough to get you through the dark times, and if that is what I am experiencing right now, then I do not mind – it is definitely an upgrade to the truckload of disappointment I have been handed.
Hope. The greatest trust exercise that has ever existed because you putting your dreams and wishes in the hands of fate, and the sad thing about fate is that it is predetermined, so your dreams and wishes may never be taken into consideration – the more I think about it the more I accept the fact that life is a b****, and for some odd reason I still look back and know it is totally worth it.
Dear transition, I hope you’re good to me.