Daily Prompt: Interior
You are never truly over something, someone has done to you if you can’t forgive them for their actions, and sometimes it isn’t because you’re holding a grudge against them but because you haven’t actually dealt with the situation. I have come to realise that sometimes it isn’t about getting the clarity you wanted but it is about you dealing with it on your own and forgiving yourself.
We are so quick to point fingers and blame others for why we feel the way we do, forgetting that it is our feelings that we need to deal with before anything, anyone says make sense on an emotional level.
I have been pointing too many fingers at the wrong people when I should’ve been pointing them at myself. I am the reason why I felt the way I did because I failed to forgive myself when it mattered most and so I walked around thinking that other people were to blame for so many things in my life. The only place in my entire existence where no one else matters is my life and I was letting people hinder me from living it because I refused to forgive them, I refused to release myself from that pain … I found some sort of solace in feeling sorry for myself.
Forgiving someone who may not even be sorry is difficult, but it is much worse to live a half-life and not move on from where that person left you because you just won’t forgive them. My mother always warned me about holding grudges, she’d say that while I am still angry at the person and holding a grudge, that person is living their life, unperturbed by what I am going through and how I may be feeling. The beauty in forgiveness is not hidden within the words, “I am sorry.”, but in that feeling you get when the weight is off your shoulders, you see forgiveness isn’t there to benefit the person you’re forgiving but it is there to release you of the agony you endure while you’re in the state of being unforgiving.
It is never about them and will never be about them, so stop waiting for the curtains to open up … that opportunity may never come. Release yourself, remove yourself, allow yourself to grow. Love yourself more than any other being in your life.