Building the bridge …

Daily Prompt: Gone

It happens without you even knowing it. Moving on.

I’ve wasted an entire year, stressing over something, that I should have just let happen. Being a control freak has it’s perks, but I realised a bit too late that there are certain things you should just leave in God’s hands, let that shit sort itself out and it’s not because you don’t have the power to sort it out, it’s simply because it was never your job to.

I have been holding myself back, waiting for a sign I knew would never come … and for what?
For me to look back with regrets?
For me to look back at the countless seeds that were planted in my, once abundant garden, the seeds that failed to bloom because I was too busy investing my time and energy, trying to resurrect a dead flower.

My precious, how could have I let you go when I had invested the very essence of my soul into your creation – your death to me, was unimaginable and now it was more than my imagination that I had to deal with.

An entire year, I’ve wasted an entire year, looking for myself, trying to redefine who I was without you.
It took me an entire year to realise that, although I am lost, I should not wander on foreign territory for something I left back at home.

This was supposed to be my year, but instead – it became all about you …
New beginnings present themselves, greener pastures await me but I am still keeping an unspoken promise … a promise you failed to keep.

An entire year, I’ve wasted an entire year.
I should have just lived, I should have allowed myself to breathe, to laugh … find my inner happiness … but instead I was still looking at this dead flower for some sort of hope.

It took me an entire year to realise that I should have just let it go … it took me an entire year to build a bridge that took me moments to walk over.
I learned so much about myself this year, and I couldn’t have done it if it weren’t for that dead flower.

Peace has reigned upon me, new things await me, and happiness is my new sanctuary. The strength I’ve erected within myself – all these couldn’t have happened if that flower did not die.
I may have wasted this year, but God forbid I waste another.

I am not thanking you (there’s not much to thank you for), all that I am in this very moment, is because of all my hard work.

I have built the bridge, I have crossed it, I may have not burnt it but that’s only because I enjoy seeing how far I have come, and the oath I made to never waste another year on anything other than myself.

Xoxo, Lucy

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