Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for me (2/3)

3Daily Prompt: Quicken

Reason 2/3 : You have to mourn the relationship, and learn how to live without it.

So the pain has sunk in, now what? Well one of two things usually happen, you either stay single and vow not to get into a relationship with anyone, anytime soon because love is a bitch and you’re not ready to take that risk again, or you start messing around with other people, having a little fun never hurt anyone right? So it wouldn’t hurt to start dating new people, forget your ex while meeting new people, find someone better, you start to believe that nothing will get you out of the hype you were previously in.

My mistake happened to be, that I didn’t deal with the pain, I just overlooked it, I didn’t see the use in entertaining it even though it was the only emotion I felt for a very long time.
So you choose to stay single, no problem there, but what are you doing while you’re single because it’s not like hating the sex you’re attracted to and anything affiliated with love is going to help you in any way, if anything, it’s just hindering you from evolving and learning a thing or two from the situation.
Even if you choose to start dating other people, what I have noticed usually happens is you shut out anyone who resembles your ex, it may be character traits, what you liked most about your ex, the list is endless, you tell yourself that you’re looking for something different, something you know you will never find because you had everything with your ex and that’s what makes everything harder, you’re dating other people because you want to forget your ex but everything seems to remind you of this person.

“Too late,
You wanna make it right, but now it’s too late
My Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake with Kool-Aid
I’m trying not to waste my time” – Childish Gambino ( RedBone )

Io0O9gH.pngThis is also around the same time your ex tries fixing things, the other person swallowed their pride and is at your mercy, all they want to do is get back together with you. You find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place because you want to move on and you do not have the strength to fight off the temptation, the need to go back to where you are most comfortable and where everything makes sense. It’s easy to go back and try fixing things but you need to remind yourself of the strength you gathered to call it quits, it isn’t easy but you need to remind yourself that it will be worth it.

You need to realise that you are broken and only you can fix yourself, and the only way you’re going to do this is if you face the situation head on, you just broke up with someone who was your world, and now you feel as if there is no world without this person because they were such an integral part of your life, you need to remind yourself why you left that relationship in the first place, and if the relationship left you, you need to learn to mourn the loss of that person in your life, and this has nothing to do with physical death but the death of an important existence in your life, what was the very pulse of your heartbeat no longer exists and now you need to learn to make your heart beat on its own.

Accept the fact that you’re in pain, you’re weak and you feel vulnerable. But life goes on, you need to stop with the pity party, it is important that you allow yourself to mourn for just a moment and allow the death of the relationship to become a reality and also realise that it is time to fix yourself, and this is a journey you need to take alone, because no one will truly understand the emotions you feel.

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. “  – Lewis Carroll (Alice in the Wonderland)

Well that was an intense post, I promise the next one will be a bit more light-hearted, because every story needs a happy ending …

Xoxo, Lucy

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