The Epilogue: Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for me.

Daily Prompt :Timely

Many of you, have been asking questions about my “Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for Me.”, 3 part series have been asking for me to write another blog entry on my journey, getting into the dating game without making any of my new suitors carry the burden my ex left me with, how dating new people is like, whether I feel ready to be with someone else, and honestly I haven’t gotten it all figured out but there’s a lot of things I have learned about myself and dating in general …

1097d23548919430b37b5f989b293407The greatest thing that I can say has happened, is me actually having feelings for someone else, me actually being interested in another being without comparing him to the other guy. That’s when I knew I had a fighting chance. I think the mistake we make is, not accepting the fact that, someone else has a part of us, the fact that there is another being out there, that you love so deeply, even though the end result wasn’t what we had wanted or expected to happen.
Everything fell into place when I stopped blaming, when I stopped trying to understand and when I started to accept that it is what it is, there’s nothing I can do about how I felt about my ex, other than accept, I had to be aware of my feelings in order for them not to hinder me from living and experiencing.

Men are like wine

Dating hasn’t been easy, guys my age are busy trying to hit it and quit it and I have, for the most part, accepted the fact that I don’t gel with guys my age, but in a society where there’s a limit placed on the age gap between two people who love each other and want to be in a relationship, I end up being labelled as something I’m not just because I do not fit into social conforms, I mean, it has never bothered  me because I have never been ashamed it, but it’s funny how society places pressure on people to be something they’re not.
Another major issue is, some guys older than me seem to think they can try playing me, try luring me in with what today’s youth is easily mislead by, you know, the materialistic things, and because I am young they’re quick to assume I am naïve. There have been a few potentials here and there, but because I never rush into things, a lot of not so nice things are revealed with time. The security a relationship offers, has many running into dead ends with a few more scratches on their newly repaired broken heart, but slow and steady wins the race right?

These past few months have honestly been the most enlightening months of my life, there’s this new buzz that I am vibing to, I love it, there’s this new Lucy creeping around, she has me looking at myself in the mirror like, “damn girl, is this really you?” Being single has given me the opportunity to actually have a relationship with myself, I know it sounds crazy, but after going through a phase where I literally did not know who or what I was, the need to start filling in these blank spaces became more evident.
Look, I know I am far from having it all figured out and may have a few more heartbreaks after this one but the fact that I will face them being secure in myself, gives me the confidence and some sort of security that I won’t have to go through what I went through, again.

There’s so much I still have to say, but with a busy schedule, it’s hard.

How do you feel about Lucy’s Journal being a vlog/blog ?

Xoxo Lucy

What it means to be young, in today’s society.

Daily Prompt: Nervous
Does your past really reflect who you are in the present?

Screenshot_2017-03-07-20-43-59-1.pngI was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and what the conversation boiled down to is how we felt as if there are certain things in our pasts, that have, in some weird way, shaped or predetermined our future. I obviously disagreed with this, because I truly believe that you are not a product of circumstance, circumstances merely form the platform on which you stand, and with that being said, and you can either stand there or choose to walk away from them (and yes I know it is easier said than done).

Earlier that week I was talking to my other friend, and he said that he feels, that today’s youth in Africa, more specifically the South African youth, are becoming too westernised, letting go of their customs and traditions and do not know where their roots lie, I partially agreed with this statement, because yes, we are forgetting who we are and where we come from but I partially disagreed because I took into account, how today’s youth were raised by their parents and how their parents were raised, and I concluded by saying that we are not entirely at fault, our actions are a product of what was instilled within us by our parents (directly and indirectly so), they chose a western way of living and we are now by-products of a mixed lifestyle. Some parents have picked the parts of their religion and culture they choose to follow, as if they were picking fruits off a tree.

Our situations back home were never the same, some grew up with a parent missing from the picture, some grew up as orphans, others grew up in dysfunctional families, but does that mean we must now conform to statistics that prove that we could never becoming fully functioning adults? That we are bound to have certain deficiencies that we will pass down to the next generation?
Examples would be the girl that grew up without a father, who is now a whore and blames her actions on the fact that she doesn’t have a father figure, the boy who grew up watching his mother being abused by his father or a man in her life, who now abuses his own girlfriend and blames it on what he saw when he was kid, or the children who grew up being abused by their parents who are now substance abusers and claim that they abuse substances because they’re trying to numb their pain. These are the outcomes statisticians have proven, have a high likelihood of happening, this is what the youth of today is using as a scapegoat, statistics.

We hold our heads high, thinking we do not conform to social norms that we, are setting a standard different from other people or better yet the previous generation, if that were the case, today’s youth would not be a statistician’s playground. We would be breaking boundaries, not falling within them, we would be a scientifically proven error, not encouraging them by proving their hypothesis right. We should be running a race in that small margin of error.

Life may have placed you in shady places, but it didn’t hinder you from finding your light. We need to stop making excuses for ourselves, we need to stop degrading what it means to be young in today’s society, if we are playing in the rubble, where the hell do we expect our kids to play? The standard they need to live up to is not set when we are trying to discipline them (because they’ll probably be doing what we did when we were younger), the standard is set, when we are looking at youth in the face. We are making it okay for the next generation to get away with a lot, because the standard we have set for ourselves is so low. The South African government set the pass rate to 40% for mathematics and 30% for English, but did we ever sit down and think about what that says about us? To make matters worse we didn’t even try proving our educational system wrong by surpassing these levels, we merely laugh about it and say “it’s above 40%, at least I passed”.

I love being young, but I am not proud of the reputation I have for being young.

Xoxo, Lucy

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Reasons to stay single and how they worked for me (3/3)

Daily Prompt: Parlay

The journey of self-discovery, may be lonely but it sure is fruitful. It’s the one I am on now, and I have come to realise there’s so much I didn’t know about myself. I have this immense love for myself, it’s sometimes overwhelming, but I let it fill me up and it can’t help but overspill. Happiness has never felt the way it currently does, and for the first time in a few years, it’s not short lived.

How did I do it? Well firstly, you need to let go of any fling you may have, leave all the negative people in your life behind, surround yourself with things and people that make you happy. Go back to doing things that you enjoy, for me it is writing and reading. Give your wardrobe a revamp, change your look, change your hair, and learn to enjoy spending time with yourself. Eat more, eat less, go to the gym, take a break from the gym whichever makes you happy, you are single, do whatever, do it all. It is your life now. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do, be honest with yourself, change the things you’ve always hated about your life, about yourself. Work on you.

What really made an imprint on my journey is learning to forgive, forgive yourself, and forgive those who have done you wrong. Cry about it if you have to but do not stop moving …

421b38d31cec2e94447bc07a5850bb85.jpgVisit your spiritual side, evolve as a being, grow, and pick a fruit off life’s abundant tree of knowledge. Remember that your knowledge is your greatest asset, it is the only thing someone can’t rob you of.

Stop old habits, start new ones … one thing that truly works is a vision board, it motivates you, reminds you of who you are and where you want to be.

“It is not the end of the world, it is not the end, your life is just about to begin “– Prophet PFP Motsoeneng

The Satisfied Single … Lucy

Okay so you finally feel like you’re ready to date … how’s that all going to work out?
I’ll let you know once I have actually figured it out.

Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for me (2/3)

3Daily Prompt: Quicken

Reason 2/3 : You have to mourn the relationship, and learn how to live without it.

So the pain has sunk in, now what? Well one of two things usually happen, you either stay single and vow not to get into a relationship with anyone, anytime soon because love is a bitch and you’re not ready to take that risk again, or you start messing around with other people, having a little fun never hurt anyone right? So it wouldn’t hurt to start dating new people, forget your ex while meeting new people, find someone better, you start to believe that nothing will get you out of the hype you were previously in.

My mistake happened to be, that I didn’t deal with the pain, I just overlooked it, I didn’t see the use in entertaining it even though it was the only emotion I felt for a very long time.
So you choose to stay single, no problem there, but what are you doing while you’re single because it’s not like hating the sex you’re attracted to and anything affiliated with love is going to help you in any way, if anything, it’s just hindering you from evolving and learning a thing or two from the situation.
Even if you choose to start dating other people, what I have noticed usually happens is you shut out anyone who resembles your ex, it may be character traits, what you liked most about your ex, the list is endless, you tell yourself that you’re looking for something different, something you know you will never find because you had everything with your ex and that’s what makes everything harder, you’re dating other people because you want to forget your ex but everything seems to remind you of this person.

“Too late,
You wanna make it right, but now it’s too late
My Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake with Kool-Aid
I’m trying not to waste my time” – Childish Gambino ( RedBone )

Io0O9gH.pngThis is also around the same time your ex tries fixing things, the other person swallowed their pride and is at your mercy, all they want to do is get back together with you. You find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place because you want to move on and you do not have the strength to fight off the temptation, the need to go back to where you are most comfortable and where everything makes sense. It’s easy to go back and try fixing things but you need to remind yourself of the strength you gathered to call it quits, it isn’t easy but you need to remind yourself that it will be worth it.

You need to realise that you are broken and only you can fix yourself, and the only way you’re going to do this is if you face the situation head on, you just broke up with someone who was your world, and now you feel as if there is no world without this person because they were such an integral part of your life, you need to remind yourself why you left that relationship in the first place, and if the relationship left you, you need to learn to mourn the loss of that person in your life, and this has nothing to do with physical death but the death of an important existence in your life, what was the very pulse of your heartbeat no longer exists and now you need to learn to make your heart beat on its own.

Accept the fact that you’re in pain, you’re weak and you feel vulnerable. But life goes on, you need to stop with the pity party, it is important that you allow yourself to mourn for just a moment and allow the death of the relationship to become a reality and also realise that it is time to fix yourself, and this is a journey you need to take alone, because no one will truly understand the emotions you feel.

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then. “  – Lewis Carroll (Alice in the Wonderland)

Well that was an intense post, I promise the next one will be a bit more light-hearted, because every story needs a happy ending …

Xoxo, Lucy

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Reasons to stay single, and how they worked for me. (1/3)

Daily Prompt: Baby

Reason 1/3 : The breakup hasn’t taken full effect.

The worst thing one can do after leaving a long term relationship is look for another one or go through the phase where you embrace being single and having what you would call fun because you’re finally free. You latch onto someone else because you do not want to face the demons your past relationship has left you with and you’re so used to having someone that is always there for you, that the fear of being alone overpowers your need to mourn your past relationship.

130425-Pretty-Pink-Flower.jpgThe first thing you feel after breaking up with a long term partner, isn’t pain, pain is only felt when the fact that, that person isn’t there anymore sinks in, when you realise that you’ve just lost a few years building something that you didn’t get to fully embrace, that is when pain is felt, but immediately after the break up you’re just numb to the whole situation, and you may be taken back by the fact that after so many years, you are alone and that is when the flood of emotions come into play, it could be anger, it could be confusion and sometimes (depending on the nature of the breakup)  you feel happy and this happiness could be concoction of relief (you finally got it off your chest), peace (you feel as if the cloud that was hovering over you is finally gone) and you feel as if there is this new chapter that is about to open and you’re life is about to reach new depths.

It is after all these emotions have fizzled out and the pep talks with family and friends have reached an end, it is only then, where that pain hits you, and it happens out of nowhere, you are so unaware of the can of worms that you opened the very moment you broke up with this person that you only realise the severity of the situation when the worms have left the can and have begun to eat away the cloak that’s been protecting your heart from feeling anything. It is then, that you have to start dealing with the break up.

I’ll delve deeper into this, in my next post …

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Xoxo, Lucy

Not everyone in your life, is meant to be there

Daily Prompt: Glitter and Hideout

After a 4 hour phone call conversation in the early hours of the morning, I realised how we enjoy settling for certain things because we can’t find exactly what we are looking so the next best thing will do. Instead of waiting it out, refusing to compromise a few things here and there, we become impatient because we will not let life take control and understand that certain paths require self-construction before we can take them, and so we settle, we settle for the next best thing because we refuse to take the time and fix ourselves, because we believe that other people are to blame for the scars we bare.

After realising that there are many things only I can offer myself, I decided to take a break from it all and fix myself, and obviously in doing so, I had to let go of a few people in my life which wasn’t easy but it did hurt to see how easily people let go. Thinking you’ve found what many call ride or dies, people who will stick with you through it all and have your back no matter what, is a common mistake, we give people positions in our lives because we believe they have earned it, their actions have proven they’re worthy enough to be as close as we have let them to be. I have come to realise that there is no such thing as truly knowing a person, we merely know the side of them they choose to show us, and that people that truly love you, come to your aid in times of famine.

I have come to have the greatest love, respect and admiration for the people who have stayed with me through the Dineo that took over my life, it takes going through a lot of shit for one to start realising certain things about themselves and to start looking at life from an entirely new perspective, one that many people you thought were there for you no matter what, will have great difficulty seeing. You go through certain things in life and when the storm finally settles down and you just want to look at the rainbow, you will find that the sky is still full of clouds that are clearing the sky, which is a true testament to the fact that, not every cloud is meant to nourish the soil in which your roots are embedded in, some clouds are just there to fill up the space in the sky and therefore aren’t worth looking at.

Don’t waste too much time, mourning lost friends and lovers, they were never strong enough to handle you and the baggage you carry, even if you carried some of their baggage for them from time to time.

My new favourite word is, flourish.

So flourish babe, flourish in it all, flourish in everything, a new chapter has begun, don’t waste pages on those who wasted your time, flourish.

Xoxo, Lucy

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Come on now x K5 ft. Alex Sono

“Hi, uhm, this is awkward … I was, I just wanted to see you that’s all. I’ll see you when I see you and I guess we’ll talk another time, peace”

Four months after his debut mix tape with Kay-Blist, K5 did not shy away from introducing us to his new sound as a stand-alone artist by featuring Alex Sono. This single, is a contrast between the broken hearted and those who are hopelessly in love, and not only do they capture the difference of the two feelings but their single is an open an honest expression of their own personal feelings.

K5 20170112_223207.jpg“After I lost the girl that I’m talking about in the song, I went on to mess around quite a lot. Bringing Alex Sono into the song, allowed for a two-way story, he being in a happy relationship brought in that dynamic of love and my side shows the occurrences after losing that love. “

The one thing that this song truly highlights, is the fact that there is a distinct misunderstanding between those who are in love and those who are broken hearted, and this is heard by Alex Sono’s more upbeat verse, which contrasts K5’s verses which are calmer and have a sense of scornfulness.

“And it affects me deeply, I hate the fact that I was never to wipe to your tears, I hate the fact that I was never there to fight your fears, but trust me, there’s still more to do, there’s still more to go, give me a chance. Come on now.” – K5

“I’m on the drugs they call sadness, you’re my happiness, in the midst of the madness” – Alex Sono

IMG-20170205-WA0009.jpg“I had been struggling with some form of creative block when K5 told me he wanted me to do a verse in his “love song “. It seemed clearly destined because I hadn’t shared the concept of my tape with anyone. K5 gave me no restrictions what so ever. His instructions were: “write a great verse about a girl you love”. The title “Come on now” (which sounded like something one says to win a girl over) was the only form of reference I had when writing the verse. I wanted to address an everlasting feeling of wanting to get closer to someone, even when you’re closest to them. Those are words of thanksgiving to a loved one for making me happy and a better person. I wanted to plead to the girl to come closer so that I could have a euphoric life and be the best version of me. The song has definitely inspired me with regards to the work on my tape”

Fans of both artists have been starved, neither artist has released anything for a few months now and this appetiser, relinquished their fans of the famine they had found themselves in. I call this single an appetiser because both artists are working on their own mix tapes, which will hopefully be released soon.

“I firmly believe that everything happens in due time and so did this collaboration. Funny story: K5 and I sat together in class, at some point in high school. We’d often share raps and creative concepts with each other. This is something we always want to do, we’ve always wanted to break out of the typical rap subject matter of self-glorification and how “hard” one was raised. This is the start of it all. I have currently been working on my second mix tape, entitled “Love Happens”, it’s been a stressful process so far. I’m basically trying to put the story of little Alex Sono falling in love for the first time and going through the ups and downs of the experience in a 16 track project.”

Support their music …

Download the track here

Click here to stream

 

IMG-20170205-WA0007.jpg

Oran the E.P x Troyden tx.

img_1776Member of TYDcollectives, Troyden tx has finally released his well anticipated debut E.P titled, Oran, and while many expected a hip hop fuelled sound, his alternative/indie sound not only came as a shock, but as a welcomed gesture into the world of Thabo Ndlovu.

“Now that Oran the E.P is out I feel a little more empty than I did when I made it or recorded it or whatever. That EP is my life from the first song till the last, there’s a little bit of my painfully depressing life stitched into each and every syllable of each and every word … it’s scary.”

There is no arguing that this E.P provides a glimpse in the world of Troyden tx, the 18 year old South African artist, uses his own life experiences as inspiration for his music and that is clearly reverberated throughout the entire E.P, he clearly documents what it is like to be a teenager in today’s society by making use of several different genres to make this unique sound that feels like a breath of fresh air in comparison to what most underground artists, who are trying to make commercial tracks, are trying to push.

“But I guess in a way I didn’t make that E.P about myself alone, I guess my broken heart broke even more because others like myself are sad and breaking down somewhere hoping for attention. I don’t make music to evoke depression, I make music to release depression … as sad as I am whenever I recorded I felt the sadness die down for a bit, My music is based on my life and the daily social struggles of being a teenager in terms of social pressures, depression and the emotional roller coaster that comes with trying to find yourself in this lonely world.”

One thing I experienced while listening to this E.P is, I didn’t want it to end because every track has its own identity, and when it does end, I always seem to say to myself, “It’s finished!?” My finger always seems press repeat when PhoneCall comes on, it’s an upbeat catchy song which contrasts the rest of the album.  What really makes this album is the folder titled “Do not open”, that comes with the E.P, and in this folder are several pictures of Troyden, and it is as if he wants to randomly pop up on people’s phones and he wants them to wonder why, or it could be another way of Troyden inviting us into his world. Either way I love it!

 

Oran the E.P aims at every teenager’s emotional roller coaster, it points out those feelings you feel for a split second in life but never reveal. Oran, means light/pale and I hope that it shines a light on how emotion has become uncool/unwanted in the real world.

Show him some love,

Click here to download this mind blowing E.P

Click here to stream this E.P on SoundCloud

He’s also on wordpress: http://www.troydensonoftheocean.wordpress.com

Keep up with him on social media

Instagram:  @Troyden_tx

Soundclound: http://www.soundcloud.com/1498tx

Twitter: @WhoisTroyden_tx

Tumblr: @1498tx

Facebook: @TYDcollectives

Heart makes art and art is conscious.

Troyden tx - Oran The Ep

Building the bridge …

Daily Prompt: Gone

It happens without you even knowing it. Moving on.

I’ve wasted an entire year, stressing over something, that I should have just let happen. Being a control freak has it’s perks, but I realised a bit too late that there are certain things you should just leave in God’s hands, let that shit sort itself out and it’s not because you don’t have the power to sort it out, it’s simply because it was never your job to.

I have been holding myself back, waiting for a sign I knew would never come … and for what?
For me to look back with regrets?
For me to look back at the countless seeds that were planted in my, once abundant garden, the seeds that failed to bloom because I was too busy investing my time and energy, trying to resurrect a dead flower.

My precious, how could have I let you go when I had invested the very essence of my soul into your creation – your death to me, was unimaginable and now it was more than my imagination that I had to deal with.

An entire year, I’ve wasted an entire year, looking for myself, trying to redefine who I was without you.
It took me an entire year to realise that, although I am lost, I should not wander on foreign territory for something I left back at home.

This was supposed to be my year, but instead – it became all about you …
New beginnings present themselves, greener pastures await me but I am still keeping an unspoken promise … a promise you failed to keep.

An entire year, I’ve wasted an entire year.
I should have just lived, I should have allowed myself to breathe, to laugh … find my inner happiness … but instead I was still looking at this dead flower for some sort of hope.

It took me an entire year to realise that I should have just let it go … it took me an entire year to build a bridge that took me moments to walk over.
I learned so much about myself this year, and I couldn’t have done it if it weren’t for that dead flower.

Peace has reigned upon me, new things await me, and happiness is my new sanctuary. The strength I’ve erected within myself – all these couldn’t have happened if that flower did not die.
I may have wasted this year, but God forbid I waste another.

I am not thanking you (there’s not much to thank you for), all that I am in this very moment, is because of all my hard work.

I have built the bridge, I have crossed it, I may have not burnt it but that’s only because I enjoy seeing how far I have come, and the oath I made to never waste another year on anything other than myself.

Xoxo, Lucy